I completed my 20th unsupported century before I could form memories. By the age of four my thighs were so massively disproportioned that doctors warned I would have to quit all muscular activity in my lower body for fear it could rip away from my torso and go off to conquer the pro peloton.

then in college i moved 10 blocks west of campus and got a huge 58cm black fuji road bike that slapped my nuts like a defiant whore. i wrestled that feisty bitch on the rolling hills and humid ghettos of west philadelphia for a long unemployed summer. a fortunate encounter with a brick wall killed her. then i got an even crappier schwinn. turned it into a ss. then fixed. then i got my black pista off my buddy for cheaps($200 and an 1/8th) since he couldn’t figure out why he kept getting hit by cars. this was 2001.